I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
