the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
