Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
