He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
