i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
did you just send me my own nude
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
