there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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