If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
