Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My bed smells like the plague
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