smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
