Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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