hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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