And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
