I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
