I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
