Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
