Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
3 2 1 whiskey
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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