Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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