He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
