so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
