Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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