just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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