He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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