I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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