dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
