i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
