you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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