you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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