Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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