Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
