You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
