I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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