I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
