Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
