cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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