You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
