I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I party with great urgency now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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