Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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