she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
