i permit you to call me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
