The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
