I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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