Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
