I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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