Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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