Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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