If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
