Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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