i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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