I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
