she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
